5 Mindful Mingling tips
You may have heard the phrase ‘single and ready to mingle’ – but are you really ready to mingle with intention? Just rocking up and hoping for the best doesn’t always produce the best results, so it’s really important to step into mindful mingling if you want to meet someone.
I’ve been staying at guest houses here in Japan for the last few weeks and I realise that these days because people often focus on their devices, and there’s a pattern of insular living. During my travels there can sometimes be five people sitting in the same room all not talking to each other at all! I appreciate the modern world so much though, we can feel connected to friends and family in different locations, even have location freedom around our work if that’s how our career is set up!
However, these days we are missing the ‘town square’ type connectedness people probably experienced back in the day. I imagine meeting people was easier in a way, and making connections with a view to a partnership would have been more straightforward. I’ve discovered that when I want to connect I need to make the effort. We are social animals no matter what is calling us online.
I am writing this blog using my device in the common space - and I have also been having loads of connected conversations, fun and card games as I have also chosen to mingle intentionally. I say hi to people, ask where they’re from and have a bit of a conversation. Some conversations end right there – and that’s okay. Even those snippets of connection give me a sense of community which feels great on the road.
The same philosophy can be applied when you’re mingling as a single person wanting to meet someone. It’s choosing connection intentionally. Making that first move, having little conversations – it’s all good practice. I know it can feel really isolating and disappointing when those conversations go nowhere – but it’s excellent curiosity and conversation skills building.
The five tips on mindful mingling I am sharing today presume you know where to go to mingle. As a start, I suggest joining some MeetUp groups, reaching out to friends, saying yes to invitations and simply being more proactive in this space intentionally and regularly.
According to the Miriam-Webster dictionary, ‘mingling’ is : to bring or mix together or with something else usually without fundamental loss of identity, to become mingled, to come into contact, to move about (as in a group).
It helps me to do things mindfully, with intention when I know exactly what I am setting out to do, so I love these definitions. I especially love the one about ‘mixing with something else usually without fundamental loss of identity’. Yes to this! Not pretezelling ourselves into something someone else will love, but simply being ourselves and meeting others who are being themselves.
What is intentional mingling? When we mingle with intention, we decide what kinds of people we would like to meet, what energy we want to show up with and what feeling we want to receive from any given event or interaction.
Why is this important? If you want to meet someone special to create your life with – you’re probably not going to meet them if you hang at home and wait for them to knock on the door! I totally get the desire to be at home, I am a homebody too. But being proactive will give you definitely better results.
5 Mindful Mingling tips –
1. Planning – What do you want from your efforts to get out and about more? Do you want to increase your sense of community, make friends, start dating again or even meet your special someone? This is your Vision. Write it down, and get specific. Before going places, decide how many people you would like to chat to. Make it doable and quite small at first that until you are able to reach those milestones. Feel good about you before you go by choosing clothes and appearance that help you feel confident and comfortable. See if you can go with friends, or connect with someone you know there, that can help you meet other people – but it’s not essential. Going somewhere on your own can be great for your adventure muscles!
2. Share You - When you’re at the event use your voice to reach out to people and say hi – it could be something simple like “hi how are you”? You don’t have to think of any kind of interesting lines to break the ice – and especially avoid pick-up lines. I really recommend mingling with a sense of curiosity about other humans and taking away the pressure that you might be putting yourself under to meet someone special. People can feel pressure and it doesn’t actually do fledgling relationships any good either. Take this pressure off by making sure you spend plenty of time in community, with friends and family in your everyday life. Volunteering in community organisations can really fill your cup and your heart in so many ways which can help take off the pressure especially if you want to meet someone special.
At an event, check out people’s body language and approach if they seem open and receptive. Also remember to smile! This is your way of using body language to share with people that you’re open to connections.
3. Balance - Once you start chatting, trying to strike a nice balance between asking about the other person and talking about yourself. You don’t want to be only all ears and not really show or share who you are because that’s very one-dimensional. The other person will feel heard but what will pique their interest about you? The other extreme of simply talking about yourself and not listening is also a big problem, because the other person might think you’re simply not interested in them as a person. Sometimes we talk when we get nervous, which can definitely make it harder to remember to listen to the other person – but it’s a pitfall I most definitely recommend avoiding.
To do this you can ask questions of what has just been said, and also offer more information and keep the flow of conversation going when you get asked a question.
4. Connection - Build on the connections you find. Get curious about things you have in common. Acting like you are already friends can help put people at ease - within reason!! If you chat about things you have in common once you find them, the flow of conversation can feel easier. To be mindful with this, focus on areas that light you up, rather than getting into a negative loop about something with someone. If you or the person you are chatting to have had, or are having, a hard time you could touch on this briefly and share a moment of empathy about it, but too much too soon does not bode well for good boundaries going forward.
Many people go to events in order to meet new people – so if you notice people are feeling awkward, go and support them to do mingle with others. This can be done by finding out their name and introducing them to other people.
5. Moving Forward - If you feel that you would like to get to know the person further, perhaps you can order some food or a drink together, go and meet some other people together at the event, or maybe even exchange contact details if you feel you want to get to know them more. It's not a loss if this doesn’t happen though! You have still been proactive, positive and gotten curious so try again soon!
What one action you could commit to today to help you increase how often, and how mindfully, you get out there and mingle? This will move the needle forward but you need to prioritise it! (Just as you prioritise seeing friends, working and so on).
I encourage you choose 3 avenues to practice mindful mingling - make a choice to actually do it, go out there and enjoy leaning in with curiosity and fun!
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