Three Keys to having a Healthy Love Dynamic!
Have you ever wondered how people create a healthy love dynamic? Today’s blog is about making your love dynamic healthy, loving and fulfilling.
I used to choose unhealthy love dynamics – I did not gel with people in a way that was predominantly supportive, kind and positive. It wasn’t anyone’s fault per se – it’s just that the things that we struggled with made us negative, unkind and disrespectful to each other. That kind of thing spirals out of control and then everyone is unhappy.
There is another way to live and to be in relationship. A way that includes a healthy, loving, supportive, fun and positive relationship dynamic.
What’s a healthy love dynamic?
Imagine coming home and being greeted with so much love and care from your partner – and you’re showing that to them too. You feel their voice in your heart as you hug and it’s so reassuring and beautiful. You’re so excited to be together again after being out and about for the day, and after having some of your own space and time first if that is your preference, you come together to share about how the day was. There is support, empathy, humour, fun, touch, tenderness and passion.
You are doing life together in a beautiful and positive way.
Your partner is not the be all and end all to all of your needs – I don't recommend going for this at all as it’s not sustainable. They might not always show empathy in the way you want it to be shown, however, if you know you’re both deeply supportive and it’s just the way that is different, then it’s all ok. Life is a gorgeous adventure together every day!
Why is it important?
Unhealthy love dynamics just make everything in life harder - and nobody needs that! If you love someone but it’s predominantly destructive or negative it’s so exhausting and it just wears you down to the point where you can’t take it anymore. On the other hand, a healthy love dynamic is fun and easeful, and you can do the rest of your life with more grace and flow because of it! It’s a win-win.
How to have a Healthy Love Dynamic (3 Keys)
1. Emotional Maintenance/Inner work
The most important thing to do is your emotional maintenance – some people call this regular inner work. I was asked the other day what inner work means because I was describing that you literally can do inner work as you go for your morning run or as you play music!
Those are not my preferred versions of any work though because I know that deep and powerful modalities that really shift things at an unconscious level really gets the transformation cogs turning! Engaging with coaches and therapists in a one to one or group format to really help me shift things in a deeply profound way is what a love.
However that’s not everyone’s experience because some people find that work annoying, triggering or even retraumatising. My husband is a major traveller and a musician and he has certainly grown and developed so much as a human being by travelling to a third of the planet and having experienced many other cultures as well playing a lot of beautiful music which I think is his form of inner work. This is why I suggest that people choose the kind of inner work that really resonates with them.
The modalities that I use in my coaching process are counselling, visualisation, Rapid Results coaching, The Peace Process, EFT Tapping and Matrix Re-imprinting. This kind of work works is very gentle, loving and supportive at the same time as being deeply transformational. Some people very much resonate with doing Hypnotherapy, NLP, Breathwork and other forms of inner work.
You can even do very deep work with journaling or even taking your inner work reflection into your morning run, swim or time in nature. A good coach can give you journaling prompts or reflections that you could work with on your own in different ways that can help you make profound shifts.
What gets scheduled gets done!
I recommend scheduling in regular inner work because when you’re in a relationship all kinds of patterns and trauma will get triggered as you go and when you have a way to be deeply supported by someone or something else you’re not bringing all of that baggage to the table in your relationship. You’re able to be present in a more clear and open way because you have pre-dealt with some of the stuff without your partner.
Naturally, a relationship is a wonderful fertile ground for personal growth and transformation because there is profound element of change that happens in relationships - it’s around inviting ourselves and each other into a brighter and more expanded version of ourselves.
2. Presence
Being present is like having a kind of open hearted attention on your darling when you are not distracted by other things. Presence is also attentiveness and awareness to each other’s wishes, needs and wants. When we communicate openly and in a genuine way it opens the door for us to be more loving and respectful of what we both want.
We also need to be present to ourselves by living our own passions and following our own dreams. I see it happen sometimes that people seem to hang it on their partner if they have not done something, or achieved something.. What if we were simply to choose ourselves and fully follow what we want and our partners can choose to come along for the ride?
We do need to consider others' wishes and needs, but putting our own path on the backburner for someone else's agenda is not always good idea. In some circumstances a negotiation, or compromise is needed but it's also important to state our path with 100% commitment to following it. That does not mean railroading someone. Just because we state our plans or desires, does not mean that someone else will want the same things.
Railroading over what someone wants is not a good idea, nor is it enjoyable for you or them! Equally being railroaded yourself is just as destructive and simply awful to navigate.
Instead, our loving kindness, our presence, and being mindful of ourselves and others is such a pivotal key to relationship harmony.
3. Have Fun!
It’s so important to have a good time together! My partner and I are often quite silly, goofy quirky and just playing. It’s so much more fun than being serious and you get to know each other in a light and beautiful way when you do that. Fun sets us up for success in our relationships. As Dale Carnegie said “People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”
Before becoming a life coach I also taught English in Japanese to children and adults. I found one of the quickest ways people learn languages through fun, so I taught them juggling which we practiced the vocabulary! People laugh at this combo – but it works so well.
We remember things when they’re fun and we are more vibrant and therefore we give and receive energy when we are in a joyful state. “We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything, than when we are at play” (Charles Schaefer).
In the comment section I would love to know what other aspects of a healthy love dynamic you have discovered, and how you go about creating that in your world. Even if you are single these principles also apply with family and friends..
Remember to do your emotional maintenance/ inner work, be present with yourself and your partner and very importantly, have loads of silly fun!