Our Mamas
Have you ever wondered what effect your first ever relationship had on all other relationships? Our first relationship was with our Mamas, no matter what our particular family, or birth picture looks like.
This blog is about our mamas and the connection between them and our love lives. Wait, what? Why? I write about this because it’s May – the month of honouring our mums and mums in general for Mother’s Day, and because it’s an important piece of the attracting love equation.
So many of us, myself included, just don't want to go there. It’s fraught, because the feelings around our mums can be confusing. So much love, time, care, patterns, fears and warmth can be present in this relationship. Let’s face it, in most relationships - however this is a particularly important one!
You, your family, your mum, and how your upbringing flowed or didn’t flow is particular to you, special and unique and also many of us touch on some similar themes. The effect of your relationship with your mum on your life could be massive and a daily struggle, move between easy and painful, or mainly feel like a positive blessing.
Whatever the case, be gentle on you! Also on your mum. And on romantic partners when the patterns or triggers are similar.
The first time we were fully held by someone was way back at the beginning of our story when we were growing inside our mothers.
So many thought leaders, psychologists, healers and theories throughout the world have linked this relationship to having a profound effect on all relationships. It connects with our relationships with ourselves, our family, friends and of course – romantic partners.
This feels a bit tricky to write not only because I’m not a psychologist, nor a therapist, but a life coach. Who am I to share about this? However, I, like you, have a mum. Also like you, I want the very best experience in my love life with my committed, lasting, and loving partner.
Note: My mum might well read this. Thanks mum for so, so much. What I receive through being your daughter is profound and I am so lucky.
Even though I consider myself a coach, rather than a therapist, I do help people clear limiting beliefs and make memories easier, and I’m infinitely interested in our human hearts, minds, and how we work. So naturally, I am fascinated on the impact our relationships with our parents has on our romantic relationships.
How is your relationship with your mum? How was it growing up? Take a moment to pause reading this to reflect….. You may want to journal on it for a bit, or take these questions outside for some healing and tuning in time, while being held by nature (also our great Mother – hmm can feel a blog coming on about her, too).
I have a mutually supportive relationship with my mum. We enjoy each other’s company and can talk about most things. I also have challenges with my mum. Both being human, we have patterns of behavior, thoughts and so on which can be painful for the other, which is a work in progress.
How much of an impact do you think that this fundamental relationship has had on the rest of your life? Asking yourself how you feel about intimacy, touch, and love in general is interesting when you look at it from the lens of your relationships with your mum.
This is not about blame in anyway, I fundamentally know we are all doing our best with what we have. Your mum had a mum and her mum did, too and so on. Some of the really tricky, icky stuff was never anyone’s fault.
If you think about it, humanity has had and still does have so many places where we do not have a super healthy relationship with love, touch, intimacy, joy, emotions that need to be expressed in a healthy way and so much more. It’s only natural that the impact of this has been felt keenly by all of us.
This article shares an interesting perspective on the topic: https://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/04/is-the-mother-wound-ruining-our-romantic-relationships/
One of the reasons it can be challenging to admit to the darker and more difficult aspects of our relationships with our mums is that many of us also feel so grateful and so much love. For birthing us, or giving us life if we were raised by a different carer or mum. Some may have had 2 mums growing up, giving rise to an even more complicated story of interwoven simultaneously tricky and warm feelings.
There’s also your mum’s own relationship with love and romantic partners, with your father, a different partner or lack thereof. (Needless today, being single purposefully or otherwise is also a beautiful and valid choice/lifestyle, but when it’s unhappy or unhealthy it’s very challenging to witness. Just as people in unhappy and unhealthy partnerships can be hard to witness.)
You may not have seen healthy, balanced and joy-filled relating modelled as a child and this makes creating that reality a bit of a leap. A totally possible and important leap, but a leap. That’s what I am here for! Love attraction coaching is me basically placing down the stepping stones for you and reaching out my hand for you to get across the water more easily.
For example, if your mum was really dedicated to you reaching your highest potential, she might have been critical of you and your actions even though that wasn’t her intention, but it left a lasting impression. I know I can get like that with my kids. It’s not like I want to do that, I just do because I want the best for them and I feel such a heavy sense of responsibility that I need to teach them about life. If this was hard or hurtful for you, you may have a similar dynamic in romantic relationships – leading to heartache.
The trick is to attract someone wonderful who is predominantly positive and joyful for you to be with. Yes some of these patterns and triggers may still be present – however you can navigate them with love and know you are essentially love which nothing can shake!
Share with me below how this article lands for you, or send me a DM and let me know what resonates as a challenge at the moment.
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