Unconditional Love
Do you wonder if it’s ever really possible to love people unconditionally? Today’s blog is all about Unconditional Love – especially now, as it’s Christmas, but really, for us to give and receive it on all days.
T’is the season to be jolly – and loving! When I think about the Christmas season I think about Unconditional Love. I wasn’t really raised in any religion however these days I have a deep connection to the Divine energy that is Love. Unconditional Love sings to us from all the religions and great spiritualities of the world!
It wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t think about hanging out with loved ones, giving and receiving gifts, time and energy and also simply, Love. And a good dose of silliness too! Saw a Christmas movie called ELF with my family tonight. Buddy, the main character is the epitome of Christmas Spirit as he loves everyone with unconditionally and with joy! Like a small child.
What is unconditional love? Love offered freely without expecting anything in return is loving unconditionally. Unconditional love is so easy and fun sometimes - with nature and with animals - lol!
For example, if your dog chews up your favourite shoes you’ll be mad at first but you’ll forgive quite easily. When the rain falls on a day when I want to be outside with my friends I feel disappointed at first, but then I’m filled with gratitude that the water is feeding the plants and giving us life. I am not railing at the rain with a pout and thinking “I don’t love you anymore, nature!”
How is this different when it comes to human beings? With people we often get hurt, triggered, treated badly or imagine we are being treated badly - it can be quite tricky to navigate our way back to being unconditionally loving. It can be very difficult to remain in a state of love when somebody is not listening to my boundaries or their behaviour is something I perceive as painful.
Naturally, I want to be the kind of person that’s loving anyway – and I do endeavour to do this because I know that behaviour that feels too rough or not loving is simply coming from a person who is in pain and not aware of what they’re doing. However, I so often want to run away, or bite back! Is that unconditional love?
In some ways, loving unconditionally in human relationships feels almost impossible because we need to insist on being treated with love, care and respect and of course we need to treat people in that loving way as well. However, at a deeper level I think we can love unconditionally. Yes we need to share if we are hurt – insist upon our boundaries – and even walk away from relationships when those things are not honoured, or when the relationship or the lifestyle is just too destructive.
I love this quote from the late Sean Stephenson when he says, "Acceptance of self eliminates irritation with others." - Sean Stephenson #Sean365. This is so true because when we accept ourselves, and make sure we get our needs met from ourselves, from nature, from other friends – we don’t feel so slighted as we are not chasing something from our partner in the first place. This chasing, when it does happen, is especially difficult when it’s not something our partner has the skill set to provide.
It seems mutually exclusive to both have strong boundaries, to not put up with rubbish behaviour or treatment and to love unconditionally. However they are not. We do not need to accept anything and agree to be walked all over even though we give our love freely!
For example, I fell out with a girlfriend a few years ago. I felt wronged and I was hurt. I offered a hand of love and reconciliation and it was refused, through no fault of my own, in my eyes. Once I got over feeling pretty pissed, sad and grieving the friendship I realised I still loved her and wished her well.
That being said, if she came back, I would not be interested in hanging out as I remember what it was like to be bitten so badly – even if she came back destitute and at Christmas time! I don't need to be a martyr to be loving. The unconditional love I extend to people also extends to myself so I would need to refrain from getting close again. I would refrain whilst sending oodles of love and blessings for her journey. It is what it is.
So how can we bring this into practice into our everyday lives?
1. I suggest start on strangers – it’s sometimes easier to be polite, loving and fully accepting of people we don't know than those that live in our house! Lol. I heard of a very moving practice recently, you say “I love you” in your mind to people in the street. Sometimes I try it and it seems that people’s energy lifts, or they look up and smile occasionally, too! (I heard of this practice through some friends, but I don’t know where they got it from so I can’t give credit where credit is due…)
2. Next, try it with your close ones. When people do something you find difficult know it’s more about them than you. Send them love anyway - the energy shifts that can happen with this one can be astounding! When we can manage to love people unconditionally, then they can feel secure in our love. The Hoʻoponopono prayer can be great for this. (I can explain this another time – in the meantime the prayer itself is: I love you, Please forgive me, Thank you, I Love you).
3. This last one is a suggestion for those single souls who want to meet your love – try it on dates. This means, if you think Hmmmm interesting, I want to spend more time with this person, then arrange your next meeting with joy and accept who they are unconditionally. If you start wanting to change people on the first few dates you are in trouble!
If you think Hmmmm, I do not want to see this person again – then with great love simply because they are with us navigating this human experience, send them on their way with great love. You can honour yourself and say no when you want and need to – that is also Unconditional love!
In the comments below I would totally love to hear your thoughts on unconditional love. Is it possible? Easy? What is tricky about it for you and what can make it fun?
Come hang out with me via email by going onto the website and navigate to the let’s connect page. https://www.welcomelastinglove.com/
I love you gorgeous one!